Wednesday, August 5, 2015

Commenting on Blogs Or The "You Scratch My Back and I'll scratch Yours" Mentality

Hiiiii everybody! Been away for a week, but I'm back and I've got some blogging juices pumping in me! I decided to intentionally leave the blog for a while, since I entered that phase which I almost always enter when I get overly excited about something (translation - hysterical). I've written about the blog burnout phase before, but this time I want to concentrate on another topic: blog commenting. 


I am usually notorious for my half-ass approach towards life. I can safely be the Goddess of procrastination and minimal effort. People would offer me sacrifices of dodgy Power Point presentations, unfinished work schedules, and prematurely terminated New Year's resolutions.
Sometimes though I immerse myself into something so much, I strive for perfection in every aspect, draining all my mental energy in the process. This, sooner or later, always leads to the same old picture - me fed up with everything, lying on the couch refusing to take a bath, surviving on documentaries about WWI. 
Blogging is one of those double-edged swords in which I invest my 100% in. Blogging makes me extremely happy but sometimes extremely exhausted, craving for a few relaxing days of being a Phylum Porifera aka sponge!


My need to be a sponge, pushed me into the decision to leave the blog behind for a while, and not just posting, but commenting and reading other blogs as well. And every freaking time I do this, there is a huge decline in comments on my blog. This made me remember a post from a lovely lady named Jazzy Jack, in which she explained how daunting it is to have to comment and read so many blogs and the pressure of having to pay attention to all your blog friends and not being selfish. 
The word selfish clung to my almost extinct brain cells. Why would I feel selfish for wanting to have a life and do stupid shit like arranging a damn ikebana or knitting Christmas socks? (this equals to life for me). But the fact is I do feel selfish when I don't comment and read other blogs, it's like I'm some kind of a special brand of jam that likes the sound of its own voice and spends days writing incoherent posts, without paying attention to what all the other jars of mediocre jam have to say.


And not only that, but the lack of comments on my blog, makes me think there is a symbiosis going on, which sums up to - "You comment on my blog or I'm not doing shit for ya!"  The less attention you pay to others, the less they pay to you. 

I'd like to think my posts are fancy enough for people to read, and even if I don't socialize constantly, people would still come and visit. Some smart-ass would say: "What's the big deal, they're just stupid comments!". But comments are important, you get feedback and acknowledgment, you know your hard work paid off, people are engaged, they answer your questions or give their opinions on whatever topic. When you have comments, you are 100% certain someone out there read your stupid post on 10 reasons why fried potatoes are the shit! But when no one wrote to you, you are left guessing. Does the world know about your love for potatoes? Not sure.

Perhaps there are tons of people who read your post, who lurk in the shadows drinking iced latte under the air conditioner, not touching the keyboard because it's too sticky from the heat, but you can't know for certain, you are left guessing!

  
Many times I am left guessing, many times I get comments like "Nice Post", "Wow, great outfit" and you know the type - "OMG so pretty" etc. I might as well write about my dead goldfish and people would still write "Follow me XOXO". Well shit, I'm kind of angry by that, and I'm kind of angry that there is this pressure to constantly keep updated with blogs you're following or you might get left behind and alone.

Most of the time I love reading blogs, I like to read through every post from top to bottom, I like to know what's going on in the person's head, and leave a comment to let them know I read and care about their piece of mind. I only follow blogs I love, and since I usually don't have a life, I enjoy browsing them and drooling over their pretty photos thinking mine suck! The self criticism is strong with this one...


But sometimes...well, sometimes I don't feel like reading all the 200 blogs I'm following, sometimes I want to look at Geralt gather herbs for 3 hours, or watch Bold & The Beautiful. Sometimes I have the energy and time to write a dumb post like this one, without paying attention to my blog friends, and I shouldn't feel selfish about it.

With that said, don't think you'll get rid of me that easily. I'm all energized and shit, had almost two weeks away from the blog world, and already itching to stalk and annoy you with my presence! @_@ Brace yourselves!


Gonna leave just a few words for this outfit, since this post is already Game of Thrones long! I bought these rad black jeans with metal clippings from a second hand store and been wondering how to style them unboringly! Unboringly is a new word, yes! I just thought of it! 
So, thought about adding a little feminine touch and layered a tulle top underneath a cropped black tee. Finally was able to wear my Witcher wolf medallion I mentioned in my June favorites post, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! ^_^

I unintentionally went a little overboard with the colors - orange eyeliner, red lipstick and turquoise nails...Also just realized I'm wearing the tulle top inside out, but I'm gonna leave it at that and pretend these are just the effects I was aiming for - crazy colors and out of the box styling, yup!

Black jeans, Tulle Top and Clutch - Second Hand, Cropped Top - ASOS, Wolf Necklace - The Witcher 3 Collector's Edition.

30 comments:

  1. Haha, right? It can get exhausting replying to so many comments, and actually after I had a longish break on my blog (okay maybe only like 3 months but just like you said, life came up and blogging wasn't at all possible for me then!) I took a ton of people off my reading list. And I don't remember who they were (oops) but if they comment then sure I'll comment back. If people wanna be there for you they're gonna be there, but you sure as heck aren't required to comment every darn time because they probably don't, either! And that's okay because people have lives outside of the blogosphere, they do! I'm glad I keep updated with everyone on other social media sites, like Facebook and the Instagerms, because I feel like that keeps the whole friend thing afloat when times get crazy.

    PS) I love that you have a Witcher necklace. I gotta get my Zelda jewelry up on the blog!! GO NERDS!

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  2. THIS is why I love you. If I am not commenting on your blog it means I'm having a little blog vacation just like you are and when I return to life I will crawl back here for more awesomeness. I have the same struggle Jazzy Jack does. I cannot keep up with reading and commenting even on the blogs that I want to do that for. There isn't enough time in the day and I have other things to do, like sleep and feed myself. But, like you, I love comments on my blog and I try to respond to them. I have to accept that if I can't get around to comment on all my friends and favourite blogs all the time, they cannot get to mine either. And then there are the "Hi, great post. Follow me" people. I ignore those. xoxo

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  3. I love the way you write haha. I totally agree that there is this expectation to "comment for comment" in the blogosphere as well as on Youtube. When I get so busy and caught up in the "real world" I tend to avoid my feeds and just loaf...it's part of being a human right?? But then I feel bad for leaving everyone hanging and my blog becomes an empty hallway of crickets. *sigh*

    http://splitneedles.blogspot.com

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  4. Oh well, it's the same thing here. Lately I didn't have any time – like NO time at all and being at work till night AND automatically I couldn't spend much time for blogging or commenting. ^^ AND here we go: Less clicks, less comments. But I guess, that's how it goes. I just wanted to tell you, that I still ADORE reading your blog and am thrilled about every outfit, you publish here. =^.^=

    XX, Sara.

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  5. Ok so I have read your blog for a LONG time and I am one of the iced latte drinkers in the shadows that hasn't (I don't think) ever commented. But since you mention it--I HATE commenters that leave the predictable one-liners "so pretty!" "follow back!" "NEED!" (that's a favorite of mine--I like clothes too but I doubt that you NEED my leather sheath dress for survival) or simply "<3". It's lame and not worth my time or theirs. I also do comment back on blogs that comment on my blog because I feel like it is an act of gratitude for visiting my blog and I don't want to be rude, but if they are posting about things that I am not interested in (like celebrity fashion or gossip----BARF!!!) then it is a little harder. But I do "meet" some of the coolest and nicest bloggers sometimes by commenting back on their blogs that I probably otherwise wouldn't have ever been introduced to! So it is hard to play this blogging game but I will say that I always adore your openness, honesty and a LOT of your outfits. Thanks for blogging! And thanks for this post!

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  6. You made me want fried potatoes and left me quite frankly in despair when I tried to click on 10 Reasons Why Fried Potatoes Are The Shit and found that it's unclickable. How could you! On a serious note, I relate to your thoughts about the I Shall Comment When You Comment On My Blog mentality. I try to follow all the blogs I genuinely love because I'm not about to waste my time sprinkling superficial comments across the Internets like I'm some kind of bot which I assure you, I'm not. You make me smile, Keit. I'm glad I've found your blog and will not ever abandon this holy space, I promise. I'm feeling like the mediocre jam you were talking about because you have not graced my totally boring fashion blog, though. Please don't feel like you have to because I was just kidding! Haha! Thank you for being you! =D

    Shanaz | Fashionista NOW

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  7. I always enjoy reading your posts no matter what the topic is. Love your humor and irony. Sorry if I don't always show it :( It's just that I don't feel like writing much at that moment. Unfortunately commenting works like that these days. I remember when I started blogging people were commenting a lot more, and comments were more honest. Today it's hard to get not just a honest comment but a comment at all. Some people are "too busy" and "oh so popular" to leave a comment on someone's blog. Or you'll get "Nice outfit, wanna follow each other", "Nice blog, visit mine" etc. People that really read posts and say honest opinion on what you say or wear are pretty rare. It get's me frustrated sometimes, like what the hell am I doing?! Is it any good? Do I have any real follower? But, then I see your comment and know that someone read my words and actually payed attention to what I'm wearing and was kind enough to write it's thoughts about it. Thank you for that! <3
    And finally about the look :D Love both tops and necklace + that make up is soooooooooo cool!!!

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  8. Right on! As they say.
    Although I would also say when people leave a short word comment like "nice" or " like" maybe they are being polite to show they read it, without the energy to say more. I tried leaving smilies for that reason, but couldn't keep it up! I have a need to talk!!
    These pants are to die for! They look like cool boots. And who but you would pair them with insideout tulle and neon stars :-D
    Glad you are feeling refreshed from your holiday. (I can't get over how the first pose is exactly the same as your profile pic, except the hand. I know, small things amuse small minds...:-) xo Jazzy Jack

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  9. Those pants are awesome! Jeez :)
    And you should feel free to take a blog vacation whenever you like! Except that I miss your posts... :P

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  10. Of course comments are important, how else we can learn that the blog is looked through and read by real people, not bots. But at the same time the the person who actually cares about it more than anyone else its the owner of the blog himself/herself, because the blog is like a child, cared and cherished, besides, its a great hobby to have. Even if we get n comments its still amusing to take some photographs and make notes, at least I feel this way:) hope I managed to put my ideas into words in a proper way.
    And I can't but mentioned that I do love those pictures of you, the outfit is original and creative. Besides, I've fallen in love with that blouse immediately:)
    Have a good day ahead!

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  11. Hey, hey, hey +_+
    Long time no see :) :) How are you, beauty?
    Your looks are more creative and spontaneous than ever.

    So nice to see you again. Mwaw!!!!

    ♥♥♥



    Nicole

    Reinvent Yourself Guide
    http://reinventyourself.guide/

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  12. I've thought about the same thing often! There is certainly this big pressure in the blogging community to repay the comments and sometimes it can get a bit overwhelming. I think it is normal that people pay less attention on our blog if we are not as active, however I think that if this whole blogging thing comes to 'replying comments and F4F, then really what is the sense of it.

    I understand that having a blog is difficult and that most people do care about their followers so usually when someone asks for a follow, I do it...but do I actually visit those blogs if they don't visit mine. No, I don't. Most days I just reply to comments and then I visit those blogs I really really like. What makes me angry , however, when someone asks me for a follow, and I do it...and then they asked me the same thing a dozen times....that's annoying. If you can't even notice I'm following you and commenting, then what is the point of all of this...you know what I mean?

    I think there are no right and wrong answers when it comes to blogging...we all just need to be honest with ourselves and decide what we really want...do we care only about visits and are we ready to turn ito spammers only to increase our page views...or do we actually want to invest some time in our blog and forming relationship with other bloggers? that's a personal option for everyone to decide upon.

    Blogger burn out happens to all of us. To me it doesn't matter how hard I'm working on a blog, sometimes I just feel like I need some change and time off reading blogs....a few times I continued reading blogs even while I wasn't posting but most of the time I need like a regular vacation, a few days completely off line.

    I do agree that comments are important to all of us bloggers...and I think that it is really important to take the time and read the post, even if at that moment we don't have the energy to leave a brilliant comment. Reading the post shows respect to the blogger who invested time and effort into it...btw thank you for your sweet comments!!!

    You look stunning in those pants...they're so unique...and their badass vibe is contrasted with that feminine blouse. Awesome witcher necklace btw, there were talking about Witcher games on TV just the other day and I immediately thought of you.

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  13. Turquoise nails is so cute!! (WHY IT'S SO HARD TO SPELL TURQUOISE IN ONE TRY!!?!!?)

    yeah. sometimes if my post gets less than 5 comments i would think "...i have clicked the post button, right?"
    I usually reply comments and check other blogs when I have many free times, but at times like now, when I need to adjust with new term and blah blah blah...I just can't, because...I'm so tired:<!!

    I really agree with your opinion about the importance of comments! YEAA I always left guessing if my posts get less than 5 comments...starting thinking this and that and in the end, it kinda makes me lazy to open up blog...(bad me, but i'm trying to be better than before!)

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  14. This can be a little bit of a tricky subject: on one hand I totally think that commenting is a proof that people care about your blog and that they're involved and all, it's pretty important and it shows they read what you post. But a few genuinely interested comment that a lot of "follow for follow" and stuff like that. Just like you I follow blogs that I like, so I'm actually super annoyed when I get comments about "follow for follow" or the one where you clearly know they didn't read your post and only want to advertise their blogs. When that happens I don't bother checking the blog at all. Sometimes though, some actually take the time to interact with you and leave their blog link, in that case I don't mind at all.

    Where I think it can be a bit tricky is that when for example there is somebody that you follow and check regularly, you comment all the time on that person's blog but that person doesn't acknowledge it (or you don't see anything that can let you know the person actually read you) it can be a bit discouraging. So I can see why some people would stop commenting over time. Of course if you comment on somebody's blog it's because you do enjoy the content and stuff but I can guess not having any interaction back can influence too. Also people can be busy and not actually have time to write something (or take breaks) but you might not necessarily know.

    Or when you know the blog is ultra popular, you're like "my comment isn't going to make a difference so I might as well not". This is actually something I'm guilty of doing. I barely comment on the very popular bloggers because I feel like they're so popular and getting hundreds of comments daily, mine isn't going to make a difference. On the other hand I try to support the smaller ones, or even if there are a few that have quite a lot of followers but still manage it, and mostly the ones I've known ever since I started blogging; even if it's with a simple comment as "love your outfit" or "you look great".

    I used to have a lot more comments that I get now, and I'm not the biggest talker either so it could be a reason, plus a lot of the bloggers who started at the same time as me don't blog as much, and to be honest it can be tiring (and I get lazy) to try to find new blogs to read. There is indeed a bit of a pressure to always keep up with bloggers so that you don't fall behind and some are so obsessed with having a ton of followers than it can create a fake environment. Thankfully not everybody is like that.

    Anyways, I'm done rambling, I love your crop top!!
    xx
    DeeVine Anonyme

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  15. Most bloggers go through this, ask these questions to themselves, at least I have. I used to be bummed by one word comments "cool", "love" "follow me here, here, here", or I saw another blogger leave the exact same comments on each blog she visited including mine, but whatever makes them going. Anyway, a nice well though comment is a great notice-me thing a blogger can try to establish a connection; and if I have something to say, I comment, if I like the blogger, I comment, etc. If I have free time, like today, I may even write more than just 1 sentence, lol, but not many people have time to write a well thought comment, let alone read something. People barely read books so I'm not offended if they don't read my posts ;)

    Lera's Affordable Fashion Blog

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  16. I love reading your blog and commenting, but i'm a 'woman of brief sentences' lol. I understood the scratch my back I scratch yours method of commenting in the blogosphere from the very beginning when I started blogging and I couldn't be bothered. I judge feedback and acknowledgment from visits, lame, I know. Though when I read blogs that I connect with I always leave a comment.

    Love your pants btw, all those buckles are super rad! Fab outfit, Keit.

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  17. Dude, those pants are killer. I can't stop looking at them! <3 Also, I take solace in the fact that you feel so strongly about this topic. I've often found myself wondering and feeling the same things. It's because we care. We put a lot of effort into what we do and it sucks when you don't see any returns or the returns are few at best.

    I always assume that no one reads my posts, so I don't usually worry about that. Hehe. These days, I hardly have time to read every single post, myself. I skim as much as I can, but that's all I can afford. I do, however, understand that lack of connection with others and always feeling as if you're obligated to spend your time in a certain way (i.e constantly commenting, reading, etc). When you follow 100's of blogs, it gets to be too much. Eventually, you just have to give as much as you get. So, if someone is a genuine supporter and this person is constantly engaging me in a meaningful way, I'd give more time to that person and less time to others. It's a necessary sacrifice, because our time is limited and we do more with our lives than blog. ;)

    I also used to worry about a lack of comments on my posts. Somehow, I created a correlation between the number of comments and the quality of my post. I would assume that low numbers meant that I had missed the mark in some way. Over time, I realized that summer break and winter break are the worst times for interaction on my blog, because people are just busier and more preoccupied. There are all kinds of reasons why the number of comments will fluctuate. So, I don't even worry about it, anymore. I wouldn't post something that I wasn't personally proud of, so I don't let that kind of thing bother me. ;)

    At any rate, just keep doing your thing, girl. At the end of the day, your approval of what you're doing and how you're doing it is all that matters.

    - Anna

    www.melodicthriftychic.com

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  18. Haha "Game of Thrones long". I think every blogger that's in it to share their passion and make connections (and not just for the money/follower side of things) feels those same frustrations. Because at that point, you're doing it because you really, really like fashion and are hoping your following is with you because they like what you have to say. Which means that you shouldn't be commenting all hours of the day to get that feedback! I sometimes notice that too when I take a break and it always kind of bums me out. Like I could easily stop posting and no one will notice.

    Buuut the nice thing is, when I do take a break I always get a few comments where people are like "I miss you, come back to me!" and that's always super nice and encouraging. I totally get where you're coming from though- that burnout is real. After reading literally 100 blogs in one day, you're kind of done for the week. But there are whole new posts coming in the next day. I say good for you for taking that week off- you don't want this to feel like a job after all :)

    xo marlen
    Messages on a Napkin

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  19. for me blogging is one form of communication and therefore it can't happen when there's only one side, one person. I don't see point in commenting bloggers who never say anything back because that's like talking to myself. so yeah, I admit I comment on bloggers who communicate with me and that's the only way that works for me. I don't follow as much blogs as you do but still it's sometimes very difficult to find time for reading every post I would actually love to read. and at first I did feel bad about it but then something changed. I don't feel the pressure anymore. I read, comment and post when I can, not because I have to. and I think my blog friends and others who genuinely enjoy my blog understand the fact I can't always read/post because I do have my full-time job, a household with a garden and so on. and I also understand other bloggers who have the same things or who simply want to take some time off to clear their heads. or play computer games or whatever ;) but all in all I think comments are very important and if I'm happy to see others' notes under my post then I also understand others are happy to see mine after their posts. that's how it works and it's logical and normal.
    and by the way, I didn't even notice there was something wrong with your top. the first thing I thought was - "how cool!" because I love those layers. and even when I read the text I still didn't notice anything was wrong :P

    Maiken - Part of me

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  20. Love this post chick, I've felt exactly this way. Passed few weeks I've hardly commented as I've just been too busy and too tired, my views and comments have gone right down and it bit depressing, so I know exactly how you feel.
    Lauren
    livinginaboxx | bloglovin

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  21. You don't "have to" do anything, really. You are a free woman. I've sent you an e-mail, but you haven't answered, it is okay. You don't know me, and I don't expect anything from you. Also, I'm not writing a blog at the moment. I am here to look & love your outfits which I wouldn't dare to or my illness doesn't let me wear. I share your outfits with my mother and sister. That's all. You're a beautiful colour in our lives. Take care...

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  22. Great post, can't wait to read the next one!!
    MyLyfeMyStory

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  23. Glaaaad you're baaack!! I feel you there like it's like I'm overly perfectionist that if it doesn't go anywhere or develop I become too frustrated. To be honest I think it's chill if you do your own thing I mean for the longest time you've been super understandable when I felt tired I see no reason why you can't. Besides that you know I think it's chill like I have a lot of ghosts on my blog and to be honest I think it's more chill because I feel more okay saying whatever I want without having to appear "blog professional" or maintain a "blogger image" I think it's chiller you know it helps lol. Atleast that's how i am now after you constantly giving me support to be more open and okay with doing whatever I want with Brokehell!!! On the low when you don't post it always makes me a lot more excited too because I like think oh when she comes back and posts something it's probably going to be fucking great which is why honestly I think it's chill when you don't post it's not like you sacrifice quality or anything! :D

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  24. I've been thinking about all this comment for comment stuff....everyone says that many people don't have time for long comments or reading post, but if we are going to leave short comments to everyone or (as I have noticed some people do) copy paste entire paragraphs ...then how are we different from spammers... and what this blogging is all about in the end? I think it is impossible to make our every comment super deep of meaningful, but at the same time we should be tell one another from damn spam.

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  25. Oh I was wondering where you'd got to young lady! Next time leave a note when you're going to be out all night hmmph! Oh wait, sorry you're not my daughter, that's ok then, as you were...
    I am very happy when I see a comment from you on my blog because you are literally the only person reading it. Your comments are always kind & thoughtful but that's not why I read your blog. I read your blog because you're a terrific writer, it's a bloody laugh & because your fashion style is very different to mine (why would I be interested in looking in a mirror?) therefore interesting to me. Ciao Bella x

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  26. loooove your outfit, so edgy and tokyo like :D and yeh I have a weird feeling about commenting too,... I do comment back on everybodies blogs but sometimes it´s hard and I personally only "follow" about 20 blogs that I read regularly. but partly its also because i like the bloggers.

    dresses-and-travels //@susandollparts

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  27. This tulle top and black tee are really pretty together, you get a nice idea (and the unintentional error too!). It's sweet and deep at the same time ^^
    I saw your post -oh, weeks ago maybe, dang- and I have loved the reflexion! It made me self conscious of whether I'll leave a comment or not in general, and why; it's funny sometimes to be counscious of our decisions, to know how our brain works, of why we do sometimes over an other, and if there is a purpose to it, etc.
    But you raised a good point. I don't follow 200 blogs (I sort them and don't enjoy too much -equal reading all, seeing all- that many of them finally), but for the one I truly like, I wish I would let a comment on every post to let the author know I do care, I love they're doing it, etc. But sometimes, I feel like I would have nothing crazy to say (the "nice outfits xoxo" makes me feel strange too) and prefer to skip this one. Sometimes (like the first time I could read this post) I was just doing it while procrastinating and realise I should write a comment too as I was supposed to work :p
    In a word: life. And in another word: people. Thing to think about, people to get along with ^^
    But I must say I found a nice system on some blogs: a little counter (heart shapped) you could click on as a reader, to let the author know I saw it and like it (not liked to fb, twitter or that kind of things)! It gives an idea on how many people "care" (scary word but that's the idea)!
    Have a good day =)

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  28. These are very easy to follow tips and I really liked the post’s simplicity.
    I’m avoiding to read blog posts that are more than 1500 words unless the title really got to me ��

    The only thing I don’t like about comments that everybody agrees with everything. That just doesn’t add up to me. But I guess I see the point, but there is a difference between genuinely nice and boot licking in my opinion.
    I try to stay true to myself when commenting on blogs, however that action takes me sometimes to a “slippery territory” – if you know what I mean.

    Regards
    AShley Jones

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  29. Lots of great tips I figured out over time. The number one thing that has brought me the most readers that actually read (and not skim) over time is commenting on related blogs with quality comments. Even old articles bring them in.

    Social media helps support people who want to get notice by Twitter or whatever but has drawn fewer new readers than comments.

    Had not thought about the obvious full name though. Have just used my first name to be "friendly" 😉 Thanks.

    Regards
    UpdateLand

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I appreciate every comment on the bloggy! It makes me all warm and fuzzy inside!